Unnecessary Burden
There are some things that I just want to get off my chest.
Even though I know that I am destined for something good somewhere down the road, I realized that I have lived a very mediocre life. I was on the honor roll in grade school only once. I never got to go out with the most popular girl in high school/college. I was never on the starting lineup or at least on the main rotation of our high school's basketball team. I never excelled in my first 2 years in college. I technically never got on the dean's list. I am an underachiever, if I can say so myself.
I will admit, I blew my opportunities. I blew them because I didn't focus enough. Maybe because it was not the career path I planned to pursue. Or maybe because I am too friendly. Too many more maybes. But one thing is for sure: it is too late to play the blame game now. Shit (sorry) happened.
Through all the frustrations that I have had since the start of my job application sojourn, I have always stayed optimistic that somewhere down the line, a company will be a best fit for my capabilities. But as the minutes turn into hours, into days, weeks, months, there is this mound of emotion, of frustration, that has been building up, and as we know, everything that's built up is meant to explode. The pressure that I have put onto myself has become unbearable that sometimes, breathing is a chore. As the miles of walking pile on and the wear on my 4-month old shoes continue to manifest, it is absolutely incredulous to start over this process over and over and over again. I have grown sick and tired of the fact that you don't see an end to all this hunting, to all this applying, to all the walking. It is like a girl breaking your heart; only this time, your heart gets broken a couple of times each couple of months. It is never healthy. And I hate starting over.
I am telling you, I am in hell right now.
They say during this period, you have to be strong mentally and physically. I will tell you this. I am tired of all the waiting, of all the searching, of everything else.
Mediocrity has been the name of the game in the first chapters of my life. I have spent a lot time wondering what might have been. But all of that doesn't matter anymore. I've lived through all that shit just to get one thing: a second chance.
I will end this by a quote from Sir Winston Churchill.
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
Peace.
Even though I know that I am destined for something good somewhere down the road, I realized that I have lived a very mediocre life. I was on the honor roll in grade school only once. I never got to go out with the most popular girl in high school/college. I was never on the starting lineup or at least on the main rotation of our high school's basketball team. I never excelled in my first 2 years in college. I technically never got on the dean's list. I am an underachiever, if I can say so myself.
I will admit, I blew my opportunities. I blew them because I didn't focus enough. Maybe because it was not the career path I planned to pursue. Or maybe because I am too friendly. Too many more maybes. But one thing is for sure: it is too late to play the blame game now. Shit (sorry) happened.
Through all the frustrations that I have had since the start of my job application sojourn, I have always stayed optimistic that somewhere down the line, a company will be a best fit for my capabilities. But as the minutes turn into hours, into days, weeks, months, there is this mound of emotion, of frustration, that has been building up, and as we know, everything that's built up is meant to explode. The pressure that I have put onto myself has become unbearable that sometimes, breathing is a chore. As the miles of walking pile on and the wear on my 4-month old shoes continue to manifest, it is absolutely incredulous to start over this process over and over and over again. I have grown sick and tired of the fact that you don't see an end to all this hunting, to all this applying, to all the walking. It is like a girl breaking your heart; only this time, your heart gets broken a couple of times each couple of months. It is never healthy. And I hate starting over.
I am telling you, I am in hell right now.
They say during this period, you have to be strong mentally and physically. I will tell you this. I am tired of all the waiting, of all the searching, of everything else.
Mediocrity has been the name of the game in the first chapters of my life. I have spent a lot time wondering what might have been. But all of that doesn't matter anymore. I've lived through all that shit just to get one thing: a second chance.
I will end this by a quote from Sir Winston Churchill.
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
Peace.
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